What is couples work?
Couples work is the relationship- the client. Ideally a family therapist listens to the individual's requests and needs in a couple. She becomes , as everyone wants, the third party observing. A family therapist ( couple I use interchangeable) tunes her ear to what is not being said, if you will, between the lines. Her job becomes to be a channel through which both people's needs flow; she does in fact reflect on the air between the family members.
The family therapist hears what each person's hot button issues are and reflects back to the family how multiple needs are colliding. I call that the dirty fighthing. People want to stop the dirty fighting tactics honed so well. I call that our need to get out of our castle turrest into the courtyard. Convincing every member of the win-win situation possible is important. I want you to always remember why you are willing to do the courageous battle and hard work work it entails in family therapy. People tell me over and over they want a better primary relationship; they are worn down by the dirty fighteing and will do whatever it takes to learn to put down their emotional weapons. I look for this selfish reason to know why you are in therapy.
" I " want a better relationship.
When you get to this point, you are ready to make the changes only you can make.
You changing regardless of the outcome of the relationship- if we stay or if we go no longer becomes the question or your captor. How can I grow myself and change my life becomes the miracle therapy with a family therapist brings you.
Mara Reilly LMFT.